Saturday, January 10, 2009

Disentangle this


"I've got an essay for you. I've done two pages and it's got a staple and everything."

"Thank you. Well done!"

Then I read it. He'd decided to write about whether the legal age for drinking in Scotland should be raised from 18 to 21. The first paragraph was:

A young adult waiting his or her life to get to that age where there are finally treated/told they are an adult at the age of 18 would most certainly rebel against the raised age for drinking law as being told they are an adult and then having someone taking away one of there responsibilities and at the age where there are wanting to try new things, these are the people that the government say can vote, stand in parliament, smoke and get married but to drink would not be allowed.

And there were two very similar pages to follow. Lucky me.

The staple was the best part.


19 comments:

jkhenson said...

Wow. That is one long sentence... and I'm guessing a very long, drawn out essay! Ah! Good luck! :)

K said...

If he's an example of what happens when you let 18-year-olds drink... perhaps the conclusion is obvious?

(I think I actually agree with his main point, assuming that I've understood it correctly.)

Molly said...

Oh Lawrd! You have a halo waiting for you UpThere! I don't believe in encouraging young people to drink alcohol [they so often take it to extremes, not having yet looked up "moderation" in the dictionary!]But, in the interests of fairness and consistency, I do believe that a young fellow who is willing to risk his life by donning his country's uniform and going off to Iraq, or some other such Eden, should be allowed a beer at the end of the day!

Frankofile said...

It's about time spellcheckers helped out with those homophones. (Hey perhaps I've just found a way to make my fortune? Think MS would buy it?)

Warty Mammal said...

Lord almighty. Can that sentence even be diagrammed without the diagram shattering into pieces?

Joyce said...

One of the many reasons I taught Primary School. I hope I didn't contribute to that type of writing! I actually had some grade 2 students who could do better.

Lesley said...

Are you allowed to mark them down for poor grammar these days or that considered "bad form"??

Yikes...

Lesley x

Frogdancer said...

On behalf of secondary school English teachers everywhere I apologise.

At least it was only 2 pages. Imagine if he REALLY let his indignation run away with him...

Loth said...

My brain hurts. How do you manage with stuff like that? My sarcasm-meter would be in overdrive!

RachelJane said...

Run-on sentence. Sheesh. I can relate. We're at semester end and my desk is covered in essays to mark. You just become numb to it after a while, don't you?
Have fun with that...

persiflage said...

Oh dear! Where to start? It often seems that many children are totally impervious to anything taught at school. Grammar, spelling, punctuation, disentanglement of thoughts into manageable units - all evade them. Even kids who seem to be bright and to have had a good education come out with varieties of "Me and him went to the beach..."
How do you correct these essays?

rooruu said...

um, it could have been worse. I've had kids offer to write things in SMS. "No," I reply carefully, "thank you."
"But it's faster."
"Yes, I know. But perhaps not appropriate for this piece. Thank you."
"OK."
!!

meggie said...

I don't know how you stand it. Do you ever despair?

Thimbleanna said...

Holy Cow Isabelle! No wonder you don't have time for yourself -- I had to read that several times and I'm still not sure I completely got it!

Thimbleanna said...

Oh! I also meant to add what a great use of title to tie the picture and essay together!

riseoutofme said...

An A student, I see.

Having hauled, and still hauling, a number of young people through the minefield of the teenage years, I have no answers to the alcohol problem but the saying "Be Alert" springs to mind.

The world always needs Lerts.

Good luck!

herhimnbryn said...

AND a staple too...........

Gina E. said...

Well, why not take away the right to vote, stand in parliament, smoke and get married? By the time these people are 21, maybe they will be fit and able to do all of those things, including drinking, with some responsibility.
LOVE the latest photo of the Catlets! How do you get them to pose for you??

WifeMomChocoholic said...

"The staple was the best part" -- ha ha ha!!!