I went to South Queensferry yesterday to have coffee and lunch with my friend Joyce. In many ways we're quite unlike each other (though were both English teachers and met at work) but all the same, we get on well and enjoy an affectionate friendship. It made me think about compatibility - Joyce and I probably wouldn't have picked each other out on a find-a-friend website and indeed, I remember that the first time I saw her, I didn't immediately expect her to become a lasting chum. But we've now shared many years as colleagues and understand each other well in a gosh-that's-not-how-I-feel-but-I-see-what-you-mean sort of way.
I've occasionally speculated about whether Mr L and I would ever have got together if we'd resorted to internet dating, which so many young people seem to do nowadays. We share interests in music, history and ... well, reading, but not the same sorts of books on the whole. We like walking, as long as it's not too energetic. We're fairly cautious and not argumentative and we agree on most things. And we're nice people! But he likes steam trains and cars and engines in general whereas I have no interest in these beyond liking to be conveyed where I'm going. I like gardening and antiques and houses.
On the whole I think it's just as well that I fell for his thick shiny black hair, big blue eyes and kind smile. Shallow, yes. But it seems to have worked.
How about you? How important are/were shared interests for you and your significant other?
One of my friends is to me as your friend Joyce is to you, and it's a good friendship. My husband and I......well, I think there was a certain amount of chemistry!
ReplyDeleteI think that a fellow reader is vital - it's something that's hard to convey to a non-reader. The subject of interests, though, I think, is less important than having interests, and having the same approach to them. What I mean is that a mountain-climber may not be interested in someone's sewing, but a carpenter, who needs space, tools, raw materials and patience, would understand her perfectly!
ReplyDeleteFunny how things work out...my first marriage lasted six years. On the surface we had much in common - the same hobbies and interests in life, but we found it hard to see eye to eye on the day to day things. But with Ken it is almost the opposite. We had nothing in common apart from riding motorcycles. He was an outdoors type - camping, fishing, motorbike racing, and I'd never done any of that. I'm an indoors person - reading, sewing, cooking, stamp collecting...But we agreed on everything else, so we came to appreciate each other's differences, and while I still don't fish and he still doesn't read, I'm happy to go with him and read a book while he's fishing!
ReplyDeleteWe married so young that we grew up together and learned to share similar interests. We both love sports, love to read and travel. He reads mostly nonfiction, I read fiction.
ReplyDeleteOn most things we agree and the ones we don't, we don't discuss.
For me, the most important "click" in a relationship is brains and humor. There are people who are not physically gorgeous, but because they're smart and funny, they're very attractive. I have a much harder time making women friends. Women don't like me as a rule, and I'm much more comfortable around men.
ReplyDeleteI love the part about your friend. I have a good friend at work and we're nothing alike, but we have a good time together. Our views are so dissimilar, we could easily spend a lot of time arguing.
ReplyDeleteAs for hubby -- we don't have a lot in common either. But, somehow it works??? ;-D
What an interesting question! Relationships ARE a mystery... I have a couple of good friends that I made in school and have retained through the years, even though we have never lived in the same town since we graduated! What we had in common then has changed, but we share what we have grown into - such as family and faith... I don't have other really close friendships since we have moved around so much - I've good friends that I have quite a bit in common with, such as hobbies and interests - but not anyone that I would call up and chat with every day.
ReplyDeleteHusband and I are a mystery... We married because we must have had the chemistry thing going on (who doesn't in their early 20's) and because we had similar backgrounds and values. What similar interests we had must still be there - music was one that I recall - but in so many ways we have grown in different directions. But we stick together and hope to find things in common again....
Wow! Loaded question....I think the soulful brown eyes, the brains and the wicked sense of humour are what drew me in. But we are polar opposites, except for the brains of course! Even though its been a tumultuous trip, with dangerous rocky outcroppings along the way, it's been interesting and never boring. Not sure I'd like living with someone who was just like me. If you each bring different strengths, and weaknesses, to the mix you end up with a more balanced whole. Which isn't to say I have not mutinously thought "The hell with you! We need a lawyer!" at times. But then he makes me laugh.......and it's hard to sound fierce when you're laughing.
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