Tuesday, January 04, 2011

If I need any milk, I'll yell

For once, I don’t know what to write. My inclination is to post a huge cry of pain because Daughter 2 went back down to London yesterday. But who wants to read that? Her temporary job is going to continue at least for a while, which means that she has to rent out her bedroom in the Edinburgh flat she bought a year and a bit ago and has decorated beautifully. She needs to rent it partly because her flatmate lodger has lived for the past six weeks on her own, which Daughter 2 feels bad about; and partly because Daughter 2 needs the rent money in order to pay for the flat that she’s taken on for four months in London. So she spent a long time over the last two days bringing all the stuff from her room and some of the stuff from her kitchen, back here. Where most of it sits for the moment in boxes in her room in our house.

So she’s gone to: a job which might (or might not) end soon; a flat which she has for four months; and her actor fiancé – whom she loves. In London, 400 long miles away. And we miss her. And we wish that things weren’t quite as they are. And I’m sure she misses us, though she has friends in London apart from the actor fiancé.

But Daughter 1 and lovely son-in-law came back from visiting his parents today, which was good, and we have the Grandbaby to look forward to, which is wonderful. A life-saver, really.

And I know that this is just the way life is and she has to do what she has to do, so I’m filling the few days before I go back to work with social events. Loth (http://gymisntworking.blogspot.com/) came to coffee today, which was very enjoyable; Mr Life and I visited other friends in the afternoon; I’m lunching with work colleagues tomorrow; entertaining another friend on Thursday; and going out to lunch with former colleagues on Friday. I just have to fill my head with other things and ignore the sadness and worry. Don’t think don’t think don’t think don’t think. It’s the only way.

We climbed Blackford Hill on New Year’s Day and I slipped and sprained (or something) my ankle. My ankle and foot are now puffy and decorated with blue bits, my toes like slightly mouldy sausages. So I’m hobbling about and can’t drive. None of which matters all that much but it doesn’t exactly help.

Still, I enjoyed listening to Sandi Toksvig on the radio last night. For the purposes of the programme she’d watched her first ever football match, which she found somewhat tedious. As she pointed out, all the players have to do all day is to practise getting the ball into the goal, which they hardly ever managed in the game she saw. She felt it would all be over more quickly – and thus be more exciting - if they moved the goals closer together and gave the players a ball each.

Very true.

Onward and upward. Don't think don't think don't think.

(I hope none of my Australian bloggy friends are affected by the terrible floods. Oh dear, what a way to start the year for the poor people who've had to leave their homes!)


  1. okay, so I am thinking that the beautiful baby will make its entrance in about July...I am very excited about that. I don' think you can possibly imagine how much you will love it.

    My mother lost her own mother about six months before I had my daughter. She is a woman prone to huge bursts of grief, so was in a desperate state.
    My baby made her so happy, its all she ever wanted, (having lost me to art school at 17. )
    Certainly filled a big hole.

    I think perhaps you should plan to whiz down on the train and partake of some London delights with your daughter while she is there. Some shows and museums and so on. I know its not the same, but still, it might be nice.

    You could always come to Australia for a holiday, that would distract you. Nice and warm and sunny, and there would always be somewhere nice for you to stay!

  2. It does sound like you're having a wonderfully relaxing week -- you know, not thinking and all. What better way to spend it than with friends?

    I completely agree with Fifi -- you should embrace the fact that DD2 is in London and sneak away for a little visit. Hey, maybe I should visit her for you! (Sorry about that last line -- I'm really not making light -- I'm just ready for a visit!)

    I hope your foot heals quickly!

  3. I know someone in London who would love to meet you if you ever came down to visit D2. It would distract her from looking at the shortly to be empty room across the landing.

  4. Oh, those sad drooping flowers. I understand your pain, I think, and how easily it can tear you apart. I wish that when young were were able to think ahead and recognise what might be the consequences of our choices - but alas, this does not happen. Parents can see further down the future, but the choices are not theirs to make. I often wonder whether, if my parents had not put so much pressure on me, my relationship would have died a natural death.

    I am reminded how when my son came back home to live, and habitually got back home very late at night, and I could never sleep until he was home. He complained about my complaining, but I told him it was all due to a hormone which was activated by childbirth and there was nothing I could do about it. This continues to be so.

    I hope your foot heals quickly, and agree that a few trips to London sound like an excellent plan. I do sympathise, believe me.

  5. ... maybe just let the thoughts and feelings be when they come... they're not the enemy! doing other stuff sounds good so as not to sink into gloom ... sorry to hear about your ankle. Take it gently.

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  7. And you are of course resting and elevating that ankle, aren't you?

    Thought not.

  8. I completely agree with Fifi as well! What could be more fun than seeing the sights in London with your lovely Daughter #2? Mini-holidays...at least once a month!

  9. Ah, the joys of becoming grandparents. We'll learn about that too come February when our first grandchild is due. We'll have to figure out how to blog about the little one without being a brag or a bore.

  10. I just had to return with this little tale, it reminded me of you in a funny way.

    At Hot Yoga the eother day i was just linging up to sign in when a man came out of the previous class, a jolly white haired man who struggles through each class with always a big smile. At the end he looks fit to expire, but he still smiles.
    Well he emerged with his red dripping face and carrying his bag,he saw me and dived into the bag to produce a wad of pictures of ...his baby garndddaughter.
    he proceded to show everyone in the whole studio, so there we all were in our yoga outfits admiring this grandbaby. He was so excited...and naturally, considered her to be the most superior and excellent baby ever born.

    anyway, it was very sweet...

  11. I have put my father in this kind of position about ten years ago. The decisions I made then were absolutely necessary for me back then (and very much helped me grow on a personal level), but I do wish I'd been more understanding towards my father. Back then, I could not grasp exactly why he was behaving and feeling the way he did. We have managed to talk about this part of our lives for the first time only a few weeks ago - it was quite heartwrenching. All this is to say: I do understand. And I am sorry you're feeling this way.