New Zealand

Our son is very excited because in March, he and his beloved are off to Nelson in New Zealand for their elective – two months which can be spent working in a hospital anywhere in the world. They were very keen to go to New Zealand and made the arrangements at the very first opportunity, which was more than a year ago. His bedroom walls are covered with maps of NZ, he has lots of books about the country and for some months now, he’s been bursting from time to time into what may possibly not be an authentic NZ accent. “Alright, mate?”, “Good as gold!” and “Sweet!” echo round the house as he goes about his business.

He’s been encouraged in this linguistic getting-into-the-mood by an information sheet sent by some wag at the Nelson Marlborough District Health Board, which gives lots of helpful translations of descriptions that patients might give of their illnesses.

Here's an extract:

“The next group of adjectives imply that the patient is particularly tired or weak as the result of an illness, typically influenza, gastroenteritis, myocardial infarction:

stuffed

pickled

wrung out

knackered

not firing on all cylinders

buggered

If a New Zealander vomits, he may say that he is about to chunder, yak, spew, hurl or ralph.

When a New Zealand patient recovers from an illness they may say that they have perked up and are raring to go, hunky dory, beaut, a box of birds, good as gold or sweet as.

The ultimate New Zealand sign of gratitude is expressed when the patient says, “Good on ya mate!” When a strange man calls you “mate” it is either a sign that he is open to friendship or that he has forgotten your name. If someone yells, “Oh, maaaa…te!” in a crowd then it is likely that another man has broken wind. If someone says, “Maaaa…te” without the “Oh” in front, and they have a concerned look on their face, it is an expression of sympathy.”

The handout ends:

“Here is a little test to check how much of this dictionary you have taken in. Please read the following scene and answer the questions at the end:

Patient: Gidday doc.

Doctor: Derek, how are you, mate?

Patient: I think I’ve got a problem with the old plumbing. I’m up and down all night and bugger all comes out each time.

Doctor: Maaaa…te! Giving ya gip after each slash?

Patient: No, good as gold, mate, good as gold.

Doctor: You firing on all cylinders in other ways?

Patient: Well, me and the Mrs both had the dreaded lurgy last week but she’s now a box of birds and I’ve perked up. Do you think the old fella’s on the blink, Doc?

What condition does the patient have?

a) psitticosis

b) a blocked drain on his toilet

c) influenza

d) a paraphymosis

e) benign prostatic hypertrophy.”

Well, now my lad is all set to talk the language of this distant land. Possibly.

He says that the answer is e), by the way.

The first week of the year

The year has started for us with tragedy and farce.

My husband went back to work on Thursday to find that a dear friend and colleague had collapsed and died on the bus on the way to work. He was only 57 and was in apparently good health. The whole office is devastated. He and his wife were looking forward to going to Australia in April for the wedding of their son to an Australian girl. Truly, our lives are fragile and uncertain.

And the less tragic event?

Ten years ago, we built a new kitchen on the side of our house. The vinyl floor covering was getting a bit worn and today was the date chosen to renew it. We did consider getting the more fashionable ceramic tiles instead, but the kitchen is quite large and it would have been expensive. It also occurred to us that a tiled floor in the middle of a Scottish winter night would be a chilly thing for little furry feet to walk on: the catlets spend their nights in the kitchen. So that decided it.

Yesterday evening, then, it was necessary to remove everything from the floor in preparation for the vinyl laying chaps today. This included the fridge, the freezer (both quite large and heavy), the tumble drier, washing machine and dishwasher (also quite heavy and in the latter two cases, attached to the water supply), a biggish table, six dining chairs, a rocking chair and footstool, an occasional table, a pot rack, a rubbish bin, a recycling rubbish bin… in other words, quite a lot of stuff. My husband is not necessarily a man whose favourite activity is unplumbing things and dragging them across floors.

We got up bright and early today to receive the vinyl layers. Then we discovered that they were actually booked to come next Saturday. We had the correct date marked on the calendar but somehow… we hadn’t checked.

But in the scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. Our washing machine, dishwasher and tumble drier are sitting unemployable in the dining room. The fridge and freezer are in the back hall – plugged in. It’s a bit unusual to have to walk from the kitchen, through the dining room and into the back hall to reach the fridge, but we’re getting used to it.

Daughter 2 has returned from seeing her actor boyfriend in his panto. Son has been writing an essay and telling us of his plans for after the summer.

And that’s what’s been happening this week.

Moping

2007 has been a bit of a rubbish year for our family. Having written that, I immediately feel guilty because obviously many people have had a hugely rubbisher one and have had to endure warfare, starvation, fire, flood or the death or kidnap of their child. So I’m talking in very local terms here, from the point of view of a lucky someone to whom nothing really terrible has ever happened.

But my dad died in April after a long and distressing decline, and my lovely son-in-law has spent a lot of the year unable to go to work because of depression. And my wonderful second daughter is still going out with her actor boyfriend, whom I have nothing against on a personal level but who is not getting a lot of work. This means that he’s living with his parents in the Midlands while she’s living here in Edinburgh and they don’t see much of each other.

I’ve spent the last few weeks contemplating the end of the year and hoping to myself that 2008 was going to be better. But then during the last few days of 2007, I started to worry that in fact it was going to be worse. And I’m still kind of in that frame of mind.

This may well be the year that our two remaining children leave home. And I’m going to find this very hard. If Daughter 2’s boyfriend did become more successful, he’d base himself in London and so she would probably go there too. Which is entirely reasonable, of course: she’s 26 and we’re very lucky to have her still at home and she needs to make her own life away from us. But knowing this won’t make it easier. It should but it won’t. I want all my children to live near me. I love them so much and they’re so interesting and cuddly and such good fun. We’re lucky that sweet Daughter 1 lives fairly near, but even so, I’d prefer her at the end of the street. London is direly far way. Yes, I know that in American or Australian terms it’s just a toddle, but in Scottish terms – Scotland is a little country – it’s almost unreachably far.

And our beloved son will start working as a doctor and may well not get a job in Edinburgh. He’ll earn a reasonable salary and I assume may be able to get a mortgage. Which is good, of course. In a way. He’ll be 24 and needs to be independent too. Again, we’ve been blessed to have him at home for so long.

It doesn’t help that I know that my attitude is ridiculously clingy. I know I need to get a life. I know they’ll all still love us even when they don’t live at home.

And at least we have cats who don’t look like departing any time soon – like the lean, keen killing machine you see above. And Daughter 1 and I met up yesterday with Loth of “The Gym Isn’t Working” and she’s lovely! Funny and interesting and generally very nice! So there are good things in life too. I do know this.

I’ve just read Shauna Reid’s book, “The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl”, based on her blog of the same name. If by any chance anyone who reads this doesn’t know about her, please buy it! It’s published by Transworld and is available from Amazon and in shops. It charts her life over the years during which she lost 12 and a half stone in weight (that's 176 pounds or 80 kilos), moved to Scotland during the process… and lots more (don’t want to give it all away)… and it’s wonderfully well written, funny and touching. It’s not just about losing weight – it’s not a diet guide – it’s about how she learnt to become healthy and more confident in lots of ways. That sounds soppy but it isn’t at all.

Here she is describing herself after having had her wisdom teeth removed: "I can't sleep because my head is massively swollen like a mutant potato. I was hoping for a cute little chipmunk face, but instead I'm a slab with eyes, like those statues on Easter Island. My lips are numb too, so when I spoon gruel into my mouth it slithers down my chin as if I'm a helpless baby. Somebody should just strap me into a high chair and make the aeroplane noises."

One of her mantras at one stage in the book is “Stop moping and start coping” – excellent advice. I’m going to try to do this. Possibly even tomorrow. Meanwhile, if you’ll excuse me, I’m just going to have another little mope. And now that I've depressed you - Happy New Year!

Catlets, just catting about the place

1. Catlets as Christmas decorations.

2. Spot the catlet (1).

3. Spot the catlet (2).

(Sirius is helping Daughter 2 to pack to go down to see her actor boyfriend in panto near Bournemouth. I come into the room, greet her black jumper fondly under the impression that it's a catlet, and then notice the genuine catlet further back on the bed. This picture is worth clicking on to see the one eye gazing balefully at the camera.)

Further decorations in Castle Life.

Being very interested in... or nosey about... other people and their lives and their houses and their things, I thought I'd complete the tour of Castle Life's Christmas decorations. (Except for the one that Blogger refuses to upload. It's of a very nice stained-glass wreath of holly that Daughter 1 gave me a couple of years ago. It hangs on the glass door into the dining room. You'll just have to imagine it. Or come back next year, maybe.)

Above, you find some balls that I hung from the light fitting in the sitting room. Mr Life, who's a tall chap, occasionally bumps his head on the yellow ones, which are glass and HEAVY. But it's better to be tall on the whole, I feel (from my 5'3 at most height). I usually have some genuine mistletoe hanging from it, but couldn't find any this year. So there's some fake stuff. Hope this doesn't encourage fake kisses.

My mother-in-law made these birds and I hang them on the sitting room handle in her memory. Don't know why the photo is so blurred. I need to adjust the birds a bit to make them more even. I've been thinking this for some years now.

She also made this, in cross stitch. She died in 1992 at the age of 70, from breast cancer. She lived with us for the last six months of her life because she was too weak to look after herself. My father-in-law had died in 1984 at the age of 64. I often think how thrilled they would be to see our children, their only grandchildren, now.

Now come things that I would like to claim I'd made, but I didn't. I can't even remember where I got this mat - a sale of work somewhere, I expect.

This one was made by Daughter 2's German exchange partner's mother. It's pretty, isn't it?

Our sitting room tv, with stained glass box on top and stained glass ornament leaning against it at the bottom.

A wreath. Again, I didn't actually make it. Oh the shame. A sale of work buy - I think Angela Stewart in our church made it.

And back to the dining room - shelf unit with a glass ball and some crystal snowflakes hanging from the handles.

Again in the dining room, a crystal holly leaf.

Now, as a reward for ploughing your way this far, a couple of gems from my marking of students' essays:

"Teenagers should be prone to take contraception." Can't argue with that one.

"She was in a comma for two years." Shouldn't laugh really - sad story.


I have a huge mountain of ironing to do so I'm off to do it. Happy Boxing Day, all.

Christmas decorations

Well, it's past midnight and Christmas Day is over in Britain. Would you like a short tour around the Life house and its Christmas decor? First of all, our front doorbell with a bunch of ivy and a few baubles.

Then this is in our dining room (the tour isn't in a very logical order, I'm afraid) - some glass Christmas trees that I like to display in a dish.

Still in the dining room, here on some plates are a gold star and heart - the cats love to attack these - and a card that Kirsty from Two Lime Leaves sent me last year.

This is the outside of our bedroom door - we display cards on the doors. Obviously.

In the sitting room, the parcels with pictures of cats on them are for our son from his girlfriend.

We had this Santa at home when I was a child. My mother threatened to throw him out some years ago and I rescued him and titivated him up a bit. Elegant he's not, but he's an old friend.

This hangs outside Daughter 2's room. I bought it at Chatsworth, a stately home near Sheffield where Daughter 2 did her Master's. (You've probably worked out that she did the Master's at the university, not at Chatsworth.)

A nice big silver ball above the stairs, with a few elves to add a bit of colour.

My mother-in-law gave us this Snowman mobile years ago. I love it. She sadly died in 1992.

This is the view down the stairs into the front and back hall. Look! Wallpaper!

Now I should really go and have a bath and go to bed. Hope you all had a wonderful day - as we did.

Funny but not Christmassy

I don't know how to do the thing when you make a little You Tube screen come up on your blog. But anyway, here are links to You Tube things you should look at if you don't know them. They certainly appealed to me.

The first is a woman (Anita something?) singing all the things a mother says in the course of one day - to the tune of the William Tell overture.

The second is a monk faced with new technology (the book) summoning help from the mediaeval help desk. (When I saw it originally, it had subtitles to the end (it's in Norwegian) but now the last few sentences are missing, but anyway, the little book that gets picked up at the end is the manual.) That monk reminds me so much of me, some time ago (or indeed me now, sometimes). I think it's very funny.

I don't know if I'm actually making links that work so sorry if they don't!* My domestic help desk people are currently:

Daughter 2: having a nap
Husband: having a nap
Son: tidying his room (and I don't want to distract him...)
Daughter 1 and Son-in-Law - with his parents in Worcester.

I'll get them to fix it later if necessary.

Happy Christmas, everyone!

The Mom Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anSpBUxsgAU

IT Helpdesk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pyjRj3UMRM&NR=1

*Edited to add - the links seem to work.

Christmas trees and other matters

The Life Christmas tree has been in position for a few days.

Daughter 2 worked till 7.30 last night and then dashed home and had five minutes to decorate a hat for a party before she dashed out again.

On another topic... I said to our son this morning (he’s a final year medical student), “What are you doing today?”

“I’m walking to the hospital,” he said, “and then I have a colono-rectal clinic, then two hours’ teaching on poo, then [his girlfriend] and I are going for a walk in the Botanics to celebrate the end of term.”

Seems like a nice symmetrical day, but makes me glad I’m an English teacher.

Especially since I'm now on holiday. (Little dance.)

Happy Christmas, y'all!

Things to do with a Santa hat

This is Santa. I bought him years ago, when Daughter 1 was a baby.

He may well be a close relative of Humpty Dumpty.

His hat is a bit small for Daughter 2.

It's dangerous to lie around our house when there's a Santa hat on the loose.

Yes, I know it's taking advantage of Sirius's good nature, but the tempation's too strong.

He poses politely for another photo.

Ooops - where did it go?

Daughter 1 comes to admire.

Sirius decides it's time to give us a hard stare. Cats, he remarks firmly, don't really wear hats.

Ho ho ho

Ah, thank you so much to my soothingly not-quite-yet-Christmassy commenters. Above you see Daughter 2 with Sirius, who is taking a relaxed approach to the season.

The cold is receding somewhat (though Mr Life has it now, alas) and I might be beginning to feel slightly more festive. The cards are all posted and this evening Daughter 2 and I made two Christmas cakes, one for us and one for my mother. (I follow the recipe – butter, sugar, eggs, flour, mixed dried fruits, glacé cherries and so on, though leave out the salt. “That makes it really healthy,” suggested Daughter 2.)

We collect our tree tomorrow. We always have a real one. I’m not sure whether this is environmentally allowable or not – I suppose it depends whether it comes from round about here or from the Amazon rain forest - but at least it’s not plastic and will presently be recycled into bark chippings. And what would Christmas be without that nostalgic piney scent; that annual moaning sound which is Mr Life struggling (this year, through his sneezes) to make the tree stand upright in its holder; and those sharp little needles piercing deep into any besocked feet over the festive season and for some time thereafter?

In fact, not many people here have trees up yet, as I noticed as I walked home the other day (in the dry this time): only about one house in thirty. So we’re not really late – simply displaying normal British reserve and caution.

Unlike one of our janitors at college, who has been making a real effort to make his house look seasonal. I watched him the other day wobbling around on his roof (and he is a man built on generous lines) to install a blow-up Santa complete with sleigh and reindeer. Unfortunately by the time I took the photos Santa appeared to have been strafed by machine-gun fire from a low-flying aircraft – or at least, he was looking somewhat deflated. I decided to omit him from my (sorry) terrible photos.

As you can see, though, his brother seems to be lying unconscious in the garden – there he is, prone at the back. Still, you can’t say that the janitor hasn’t tried, can you? Even the path is festooned.

As yet we have no festoons, but our hall has now been repapered, Fifi! All systems go for decking it with boughs of holly.

Maybe tomorrow.

Bah, humbug

This is our hall - the decorators are here to repair the ravages of the flood, but not much progress has been made yet.

We're having the (large) flat part of our roof redone too.

So there are two lots of workmen around: one lot scaring the cats outside by throwing roof down into the garden and one spooking them inside by throwing wallpaper on to the floor.

The cats are not happy.

Neither am I.

I have a streaming cold; I'm very tired; I'm not in the least ready for Christmas; everyone else in the blog world is (what's this passion for putting trees up on December 1? Have you no work to go to, floors to wash, cards to write, mothers to visit, meals to cook?)

Grump.

Still the catlets are cute, aren't they? A nice furry purring session does much to improve the spirits.

Things that happened this week

Monday

A student said to me, “I can’t speak French. Funny thing is, though, I can speak it when I go to France.” Handy.

Wednesday

On Wednesdays I usually walk home from work – it’s about 3 miles – just to stretch my legs properly. This Wednesday, it was, as we say in Scotland, stotting down – pouring with rain that bounced off the pavements and up again in straight lines with little balls of water on the top. Some of the rain stotted up the backs of my legs, soaked into my trousers and gradually trickled down into my socks. My jacket is kind-of-showerproof – it might repel a gentle summer drizzle - and so water soon soaked through my hood and started to run down my neck and back. After a while, I was so wet that it became almost enjoyable – I couldn’t get any wetter so I became part of the shower, a big lump of weather splashing and squelching along. Just as I got home, the rain stopped. The cats were glad to see me. But why didn't you just stay at home today? they enquired.

Friday

I had a dental check-up at 8 am and arrived before the dentist. Our current dentist is very young, but normally he wears his white dentist’s top and appears reasonably… dental. However, he arrived looking like a sixteen-year-old: woolly hat pulled down over his ears, scruffy jacket, black jeans. Taking off his jacket, he then revealed a crumpled yellow t-shirt emblazoned with the name of some band. And I thought… this is what it’s going to be for the rest of my life. As I approach retirement and for ever after, all my dealings with professionals will feel as if I’m putting my faith, my health, my life in the hands of children. Strange. I once vaguely thought that I might do a PhD or something when I retired, but in fact I won’t. How embarrassing it would be to be told by a smooth-faced youth that my ideas were foolish.

Still, of course, the world belongs to the young, and why shouldn’t it? It belonged to us when we were young. Anyway, I suppose I’m better having a youngster tending my teeth than an arthritic 60-year-old with failing eyesight.

And once he put on his dentist’s uniform he looked more convincing.

Eight random facts

I was tagged a while ago by Loth of "The Gym isn't Working" for 8 random facts about myself. I apologise in advance for the mundane nature of my life – I was similarly tagged some months ago and probably have nothing interesting left to say. However, I won’t let that stop me… .

1. I really enjoy Anne Tyler’s novels – some of her earlier ones are uncomfortably dark, but I particularly love "A Patchwork Planet" and "An Amateur Marriage".

2. When I was a girl, my family had a cat called Dido. She was a stray and just moved in on us when she was maybe six months old and I was 15. She was lovely – white with a black patch between her ears. My school uniform was navy blue – and constantly covered in white fluff. She stayed on in my parents’ house when I married and moved out and lived till she was about 15.
(Why did I waste my youth worrying that I was fat? And that was really quite a short skirt, wasn't it? - but it was the fashion at the time - about 1969, I think. I was 19.)



3. Continuing the theme of being 15, I’ve kept a diary since I was 15. I don’t write in it every day by any means – sometimes several weeks pass without an entry – but it’s continuous, and thus occupies quite a lot of hardback notebooks. I have no idea why I do it but I can’t stop. I hardly ever read past volumes, though there has been the odd occasion (not for years) when I’ve read from the beginning. It’s quite salutary to see how silly I sometimes was when I was 15. I thought I was quite sensible at the time and I think others probably thought so too. As I get older, I wonder what will happen to it when I die. Sometimes I contemplate a big bonfire. It interests me to ask myself whom I think I’m writing for. In the past, I just wrote what I thought, but of recent years I’ve probably written with a bit more circumspection, since it now begins to seem possible that I might some day actually die and it might outlive me.

4. I’m very phobic about blood.

5. I’m not very keen on piercings either. Even pierced ears, if the hole is visible. Especially ears with big stretched holes and heavy earrings hanging from them. Shudder.

6. We’ve recently had our bedroom redecorated and our new bedspread is red velvet. (How odd to be telling the world this. Fortunately, not much of the world is paying attention.) I made the cushion myself… no, you spotted the lie, did you? I bought it in Marks and Spencer. But I’d like to have made it. I don't know why it looks as if our bedroom slopes. It doesn't really.

7. My grandfather was shot in the hand at Gallipoli and his right forefinger was bent down towards his palm for the rest of his life. Did I ask him what Gallipoli was like? And why not?

8. On December 18, it will be 40 years since I took Mr Life to my final year school Christmas dance (I went to a girls’ school), which was the start of our relationship. I didn’t quite realise the momentousness of this event, but it seems to have worked out well.

I know many of you have done this already but if WifeMomChocaholic of "Nearly a Normal Eater" and Beakus of "This is Me" (or anyone else) would like to pick up the baton, this would be fine.