Monday, August 06, 2007

From a well-wisher

Dear Isabelle,

I’ve read in your blog that your son is trying to persuade you to get a kitten. I feel as if I’m your friend, having read your blog for some time now, so I feel I should warn you: don’t!

Kittens are very cute, but they’re basically mini-tigers. This means that they like to climb. They will climb: bookcases, sofas, shelving units, stairs (and banisters), walls (or at least try to), curtains, ironing boards, lab coats, your husband’s suits when he’s trying to press them, your husband when he’s trying to press his suits – the list is endless. They walk along tables, window sills, chests of drawers and worksurfaces, including the cooker hob.

They try to eat plants, fish oil capsules (these burst satisfactorily and make nice greasy slidey bits on the kitchen floor), cereal from bowls left unwarily on tables and, from time to time, they'll do their best to eat each other. Once you let them outside they will no doubt try to consume the local wildlife (though not the slugs and snails that you have in copious and unwanted amounts in the garden). They will make no attempt to eat worming tablets or the expensive new food you’ve just bought them. They have little sharp claws which they like to keep that way, which means that your wooden furniture, your upholstered furniture and your wallpaper are just as attractive for this purpose as the scratching post you will buy them.

So remember: your son loves you whether you buy him kittens or not. Be strong! Resist his blandishments!

With best wishes,

A Fellow-Blogger

Spot the kitten

Dear Fellow-Blogger (and I’ve noticed that many bloggers are cat-slaves – I’m sure there’s a sociological study to be done there),
Thank you so much for the helpful, and entirely correct, email that you sent me some weeks ago. Unfortunately, by some strange and unaccountable glich in cyberspace, your email didn’t reach me until today. What a pity that no other cat-owning bloggers tried to convey to me the complete and horrible truth about this life-changing decision, because, believe it or not, we actually did get – not one kitten, but two! Yes, how stupid can anyone be?
They’re behaving exactly as you predicted. I was trying to tire them out this morning (wow, doesn’t this remind you of being the mother of a toddler?) by letting them run up and down the stairs while – in theory – I sat half-way up reading the paper. But you try concentrating on even the Sunday Times Review section when a kitten is tight-rope-walking along the top banister. He got to the end of the level bit and was then faced with an ornamental wooden acorn. He attempted to circumnavigate this, but the next bit of banister slopes down to the landing, so he decided against it. He then turned round – delicately maneouvering (stop changing my spelling, Word – I WANT to spell it that way; I’m British) his four little feet round in a circle – went back to the chest of drawers whence he’d started – and then did it again.
Anyone want to adopt a couple of kittens? I do wonder if I could harvest their energy in some ecological way to provide us with electricity. A little wheel, like a hamster, perhaps… Anyway, thanks for your helpful and well-meaning advice. Alas, too late!
Best wishes, Isabelle.




The message from Fellow Blogger isn't a real email, of course - it's the one you should all have sent me. Why didn't you? And to any of you considering kitten-acquistion: you have been warned.
Above is Daughter 2. She's very fond of our kittens. So am I, really. Most of the time. And I'm fantastically fond of her. She's such a darling. (As is Daughter 1, of course.)




10 comments:

Aunty Evil said...

Ignore the well wisher's warnings and admit that you were bored and looking for some action.

Those kittens have supplied it, and enough material for the rest of your blogging life!

You should be thanking them, THANKING them! The cost of a new sofa is such a small price to pay for such rich rewards.

:)

Thimbleanna said...

Awwww....those little kitties are going to keep you young. And this could be a new contest for your blog -- Spot the Kitty. Love that first picture!

Tanya Brown said...

I like thimbleanna's "Spot the Kitty" idea.

I'm not much of cat person, but I have to admit that they add a cozy touch to a place. Take a shelf or two of good books, a warm beverage and comfy place to sit and add a purring cat or two and you should have something on the order of domestic bliss.

Ragged Roses said...

Now why would any of us wanting to be giving you such sensible advice - think of the photos we would be missing out on and all of your kitties antics! I for one got two kitties at once and was caught up in some kind of whirlwind for months, certainly more tiring than children!
Kim x

Yummers! said...

That was a really cute post, Isabelle. I do laugh out loud at some of their pictures... peeking from the bookshelves. Will they still do that when they're older or is that just a kitten thing. Our cat is so fat she'd send the book shelves tumbling down.
Joni

velcro said...

Ahh the joys of kittenhood. Mine used to climb my trouserleg to get to their food faster while I was preparing it.

meggie said...

They can make you smile every day though! So that has to be a plus! Love the kitty on the books!

Fairlie said...

Oh, Isabelle...I could have written that e-mail to you, if only I'd found you earlier! However, as long as you retain your (obvious) sense of humour about it, having your life ruined (oops, I meant *run*) by two feline dictators of a climbing, scratching, disobedient kind, will be survivable! I won't even begin to start on the list of misdeameanors our two badly-behaved Bengals have racked up in 18 months...but when I see them curled up on my daughters' beds each night, purring their little hearts out, it all seems (kind of) worth it!

Stomper Girl said...

That first photo of them sleeping is just gorgeous.

You know I stand by my offer to come steal those kitties, don't you? Although I am slightly worried I would end up neglecting my kids if I had cute kitties to play with.

Molly said...

With all this kitten mania you might have to start, and manage, a feline fan club for your two irresistible silken cuties. Maybe one of your daughters could handle the calls on the hotline---you know, people calling to hear five minutes of purring, that sort of thing. Of course you'd have to give up your day job. Maybe have a catalog offering pin up pics [custom framing available for a fee].Could start a feline matchmaking service, for lonesome onlies like my Casper.....Endless possibilities here, Isabelle.