Saturday, June 04, 2011

Marriage, and birth, and death, and thoughts of these



Thank you for all your kind comments about the death of my aunt. It’s not as painful as losing a parent, especially since she had moderate dementia and for the last couple of weeks of her life was very ill. But because I’d had so much to do with her care over the past eighteen months, and because I was genuinely fond of her, her death gave me more of a jolt than I perhaps expected.

The time has flown by since then and yet paradoxically it seems surprising to think that she was alive only ten days ago. Her funeral on Thursday was lovely: a true celebration of her life and that of her late husband.

And I’m aware of that strange mixture of feelings that one has at such times. There’s relief that she’s been freed from that failing body and mind – she was such an energetic, practical and busy person, a doctor working for very little money in Pakistan and Afghanistan from 1951 to 1983. There’s sorrow for her and for all of us, that we must in time grow frail and die. There’s fear at what ten years can do: change us from that strong, busy person to a confused little bird in a bed with padded sides.

It’s beloved Daughter 2’s birthday today. She’s 30. Where does the time go? (As above.) She came up from London for the funeral and then her birthday weekend with her chap and her best friend - one of her bridesmaids. She had a wedding dress fitting today. And today Daughter 2 and her husband (about five weeks to go till the baby!) and Son and his lady are here. Lots of fun, food, bed-changing, washing up.

I will get back to reading and commenting on other people’s blogs in a few days. 89 papers to go, to be finished by Wednesday. Meanwhile, don’t do anything too exciting without me, will you?

15 comments:

persiflage said...

Funerals generally do help the living to accept and come to terms with death. Being together with family is integral to that process. And marking the passage of time after a death is in some ways discomfiting - so slowly the time seems to pass, and yet so quickly.
And life goes on, and the baby will be here soon.

Zanna said...

Sorry to hear about your aunt - as you say there's a myriad of mixed up feelings associated with losing someone close. But the pendulum swings - a new little being (I think I remember from an earlier post that it's a little boy!) bringing you huge joy in only a few more weeks. Right then head down, bum up till Wednesday!! Zxx

Meggie said...

Sincere condolences to you and your family.
We could not wish them back, but rather, try to feel glad at their peaceful passing.
HugsXX

rachel said...

A lovely post, Isabelle, full of poignancy. And has so much of life in general contained within it....

Don't worry about me doing anything exciting while your nose is attached to the marking grindstone..... it's hell here, as I wait for my vendors to find somewhere to live!

Anne said...

My sympathy to your and your family on the passing of your aunt.

Excitment ahead however for you all.

Fairlie said...

So sorry to read about the passing of your Aunt.

Such a full year for you.

Stomper Girl said...

Glad to hear that you gave her a good send-off.

The Lass said...

I think about you and your family a lot these days. Hope the rest of your marking will be done quickly. :)

Fire Bird said...

good to hear you sounding steady and surrounded by loving family...

Marcheline said...

My summer vacation is just winding its way to an end - I go back to work on Wednesday, so I am going to try and get a few more exciting things done before it's back to the grind... but all the posts will be there for you when you get back! 8-)

ChrisB said...

Condolences to you and your family - sounds like she had a lovely send-off to celebrate her full and worthwhile life. You will shortly be celebrating the arrival of a new life, which will bring such a joy to you all. Keep up the good work with all that marking - nearly done now!!

Mary ,East Coventry USA said...

Condolences on your loss- it sounds like she was a lovely person with a full and useful life. I understand what you mean about the feelings after her passing. I lost a much loved aunt last year- she was 98 and had an interesting and good life. We were very close. Her last few years were shadowed by physical problems,pain, and,eventually, dementia. It is so hard. I was with her everyday,but not when she passed. It is such a mix of relief and loss. Do enjoy the baby due soon.
Mary

Thimbleanna said...

Ohmygosh -- done on Wednesday? I'm SO excited for you. Hopefully, the exciting summer that you have ahead of you will help a little with the sadness of the last month. XOXO.

gossypia said...

I am sorry to hear about your aunt, Isabelle. I just opened up the blog now. She sounds like such an admirable person, and now she will be remembered by all the bloggers reading about her as well. Stroke the dear cats for me, and enjoy the end of your marking later today.

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