Tuesday, July 24, 2012

The young and the old


Daughter 1 and I took Grandson in to see Mum this morning but she was more or less asleep and we couldn't really rouse her so we came away again. When I went back this afternoon and evening, she was much more herself but only faintly remembered his visit. She was so exasperated that she'd missed him.

In the afternoon, I sought out the consultant and had a talk with him, and as a result I've decided to bring Mum home. They can't do anything for her in the hospice except for nursing and palliative care and I feel she'd be happier at home, with nurses coming in to help.

It'll take a few days to set this up and it all depends on her continuing to be reasonably conscious. But I feel relieved to have made this decision. I won't be able to do much in the way of normal activities once she's here but after all, what does that really matter for a few days/weeks/months?

Twenty years ago, we looked after my mother-in-law in our house for the last six months of her life - she too had cancer and had the bedroom that is now Mum's - and there was no help available then apart from the GP coming in. So we can do this. I hope.

20 comments:

  1. It is easier to continue once a decision has been made. and this way she will get to see great grandson more often. how lovely for them both.
    Good Luck.

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  2. Brave. Love and prayers x

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  3. Brave indeed, but a decision that seems the right one for you all. I hope you can get help with the night nursing as you will need all your sleep and energy to cope with whatever each day brings. Hoping that your Mum`s return home works out well. I`m sure she will love being near to you again and being able to see the rest of your family. Your little grandson is bound to cheer her ( and you!) up.

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  4. Thinking of you. Your conscience will be eased by this decision. If you can't cope then I guess you look for plan C.
    It will certainly cut out the travelling but Like others before me have said...make sure you look after yourself as well.
    I am sure wee NJ will keep you all amused...he is very cute!

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  5. What Ali said is so good. Twenty years ago your three were still small and you must have been torn between their needs and those of your Mother-in-Law. This time, I hope you will have more outside help. Remember the airplane analogy (always put on your oxygen mask first before helping anyone else) and monitor your needs too. You will never regret this. xx

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  6. So glad you have made a decision, Isabelle and will be easier in that there will be no going back and forth to the hospital. Lots of courage and yes, please remember your oxygen mask!

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  7. Maybe the hardest bit is making the decision. If it helps, my parents decided my brother should be cared for at home (they all lived together)after the medics told them nothing could be done (he had brain cancer and was by that stage confined to bed). They managed, with the help of the practice nurse and Macmillan nurses who went in every day (as I did). My parents were both in their 80's at the time and the doctors and nurses were of the opinion that the arrangement wouldn't/couldn't last. It did, for 7 months. And the key players wouldn't have had it any other way. There were no regrets and there were even a few funny incidents, like the day my dad confessed to one of the nurses that he'd raised the rolling pin at my mother when he was feeling particularly stressed. Oh yes, and my children, then aged 4 and 10, provided much needed light relief. I think this is one of the times when you just have to follow your heart. Wishing you all the best.

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  8. Should probably have added that my dad wasn't at all abusive and was making pastry at the time!!!

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  9. You will all be in my prayers. It is great that you can give her this gift for however long it works out. I hope it is a time you all will look back on and treasure.

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  10. Making the decision was hard, but you'll have time with her and that is beyond price.

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  11. wishing you courage

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  12. Wishing you all well....you are a loving daughter.

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  13. We have had very good experiences with Macmillan nurses recently. I hope it all works well for you and your mother too.

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  14. Anonymous10:03 pm

    Thinking of you; that's a brave decision, but it gives all of you the chance to deal with life on your terms, from the oldest to the youngest.

    If any of us (blog friends or longtime lurkers) can help you through this journey, please let us do that.

    Love

    Jan x

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  15. I'm sure she'll be happier and you'll be spared the traipsing back and forth, but make sure you get lots of help.

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  16. This is a late comment, and I hope you can manage it all, and that the support services are good.I feel worried on your behalf, because of finally having had to get Dr P to hospital and then to the nursing home where he died. But he was a very big and heavy man, and at that stage I couldn't get him to his feet. Your mother is probably much smaller and lighter. My love and best wishes. This is, however difficult, a very precious time for all of you.

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  17. This is a late comment, and I hope you can manage it all, and that the support services are good.I feel worried on your behalf, because of finally having had to get Dr P to hospital and then to the nursing home where he died. But he was a very big and heavy man, and at that stage I couldn't get him to his feet. Your mother is probably much smaller and lighter. My love and best wishes. This is, however difficult, a very precious time for all of you.

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  18. Boy, I know what a difficult decision this must have been Isabelle. There's no replacement for home though and you'll be able to look back and say you've done your very best. Sending big hugs your way!

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  19. Bravo. I'm sure the road ahead will be made less hard by your loving family and good professional support.

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  20. Just catching up Isabelle...so you probably won't even see this, but ditto to all the above, and hugs all around.
    xxxxx

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