Monday, May 10, 2010

Best served cold

Our book group on Friday was at J’s. J lives opposite A in a very upmarket area of large, stone-built detached houses set in big gardens. We usually take a while to get around to discussing the actual book – we have to catch up on our holiday plans, our children’s and pets’ latest accomplishments or crises and how we’re feeling about the election, the weather, the road works and so on.

Which is how our hostess started telling us about the neighbours along the road who have built what J and A consider to be an inappropriate extension to their house. Quite apart from the eyesore factor, what really annoyed the rest of the inhabitants of the street was the mess the builders had left on the pavement, the obstruction caused by piles of bricks, the noise of machinery and the constant inning and outing of vans.

“I felt like doing something bad, like…” J considered ”… writing rude things on their car with lipstick.”

We shook our heads at such a wicked idea.

“Actually –" A leaned towards us, looked over her shoulder and raised her eyebrows dramatically, “M - she lives next door to the house with the extension - has taken revenge! Don’t tell anyone, though.”

We all nodded, trying to look at the same time curious and discreet.

“Last week –" dramatic pause – “she threw some of her slugs over the wall into their garden.”

Urban terrorism? Alive and well and living in the Grange.


  1. Slugs. Very wicked revenge, that is. I'm glad I'm not the offending neighbor. Seriously ... this made me laugh out loud for real. Thanks!

  2. I throw some of my weeds over the fence, but it's 'coals to Newcastle' and they probably came from there in the first place.

  3. Confession: at the old house I used to throw snails over the back fence into the garden of the old man who was extremely rude to my little boy once.

    We don't have snails out here in the hills, and the rabbits are too big to throw anywhere.

  4. I'm phoning the police.

    I have a much worse confession though. Ages ago we lived next door to a wannabe rockstar, whose mother owned the house. He used to crank up the electric guitar SO LOUDLY and play his dreadful original compositions. All the time. Night and day. Did I mention that our houses were attached, ie shared a wall? Then he decided to start a band and hold rehearsals at home. Well, when I say band, it was just him and a drummer. So Fixit got so cranky about this that one day he went out to the drummer's car and punctured all four of his car's tyres; it was his way of saying stop rehearsing here I guess. He didn't tell me about it for ages afterwards thankfully. I would not have been able to look anyone in the face.

  5. wicked!

    if it's true confessions of revenge toward offensive neighbors ... i returned the dog poop that my neighbor's nasty little chihuahua left for me ... i did make sure that there were no humans on the other side of the fence before the scoop and toss ... true to my Klingon heritage, it was poop served cold

  6. Oh dear! That lady is quite the rebel, isn't she?

    I confess that I've thrown cigarette butts back over the fence to the neighbor's side. We don't smoke, and I don't appreciate the litter or the possibility of their starting a fire.

  7. She was very restrained. Why not throw ALL the slugs over there?
    Goodness me, what alarming confessions you have elicited with this tale.
    I want to wreak havoc and revenge on graffitists and all those who linger and have noisy conversations outside my house in the wee small hours after much too long at the local pub. But how?

  8. Dear, dear Isabelle...what is this life you're leading? The scandalous ladies you're hanging out with -- I'm shocked! (If you could send me your friends' addresses, I'd be happy to send them some bunnies that they could "share".)

  9. Ha ha ha!! Very good - I've been tempted but have never gone so far...

    I did get "caught" once shovelling dog poo over the neighbour's fence. What the person who saw this heinous crime didn't know was that it was the neighbour's dog's poo following an unauthorised incursion into our garden and we'd been told to do it by our neighbour. Must have looked terrible though!!

    Oooh, just seen that I'm not alone in the dog poo re-allocation! But in our case the neighbour's dog is a socking great alsatian, not a chihuahua!!

    Lesley x

  10. Trouble is, its a bit like doing good by stealth, isn't it, getting revenge by stealth, inasmuch as you don't get the satisfaction of the recipients knowing it was you what did it...

    (I now understand about the catsitters. Good egg! Assume you have sorted out the e-mail question, if not you can e-mail me and I'll pass it on. I'll go over to FB's and find out)

  11. If you need you can find me at lucy-dot-kempton-at-wanadoo-dot-fr (That's the clever way bloggy people write their e-mail addresses so spammy robots don't sniff them out!)

  12. Ooh, daggers drawn in the Grange! It'll be midnight sorties to put ordinary rubbish in their recycling boxes next.

  13. Ooohhh... shivers. I wouldn't want to get on her bad side :)

    Okay, here's my confession - last fall I called the city on my two-doors-down neighbour for burning garbage in his back yard. The city, of course, did absolutely nothing and now that the weather is nice, he's out there again burning more refuse from his renovations. I may just have to call again. Oooohhhh. Wicked.

    (passive aggressive? yeah.)

  14. ARE you feeling about the election results? Not thinking of sending any slimy garden critters to your politicians? In an unmarked brown paper parcel of course.....

  15. Absolutely love it! The perfect revenge.